Is there anything more pointless than a World Cup opening ceremony?
Joining the league against the march of the unstoppable Sepp Blatter perhaps? Trying to find where the money’s gone again? Putting the toothpaste back in the tube?
The Olympic flame lighting gala is part of the wonder of the event. Fortunes are spent, the biggest names are hired. Histories unfold and the Arctic Monkeys rock out. By contrast, there will be 18th birthday parties in Essex this weekend that have more wit and imagination than this.
A cast of hundreds twirling colourfully but to no real purpose, representing the same old cliches that bear about as much resemblance to the true soul of Brazil as Morris dancers would cut to the heart of old England.
Still, it was good to see the spirit of Frank Sidebottom rekindled in the dancers with what appeared to be footballs for heads. They resisted the opportunity to do Frank’s own World Cup song, Three Shirts On The Line — a pulsating tale of the time his ball went over next door’s fence — but you can’t have everything.
All opening ceremonies have a central theme, though, and this was no exception. Nature, people and football — ‘Brazil’s greatest treasures,’ according to FIFA, who would know a bit about plundering them — were the subject of this one, which included 660 dancers, floaters and others just standing for large parts of the process wondering how hot it could get inside a giant football head before a person passed out. As ever, the action was ripe with hidden meaning.
The same stilted sideways movement, uncannily similar pace. Maybe the trees turned quicker and had a better positional sense, but there is always a degree of artistic licence where these festivals are concerned.
Soon after, dancers in national costumes old and new celebrated together, some performing somersaults and cartwheels, representing the joy that is felt among the various members of FIFA ExCo when the bloke from Qatar turns up with a sackload of readies.
More formally attired attendants represented the lawyers telling journalists they can’t make jokes like that, because nothing of this nature has been proven. And that they’re racists, probably. It really was a most heart-warming scene.
Meanwhile, extras dressed as flowers, sprouts, sprites and other stuff you pick out of a salad stood around doing, well, nothing really. Everyone was waiting for J-Lo.
Joining the league against the march of the unstoppable Sepp Blatter perhaps? Trying to find where the money’s gone again? Putting the toothpaste back in the tube?
The Olympic flame lighting gala is part of the wonder of the event. Fortunes are spent, the biggest names are hired. Histories unfold and the Arctic Monkeys rock out. By contrast, there will be 18th birthday parties in Essex this weekend that have more wit and imagination than this.
Trio: Pitbull, Jennifer Lopez and Claudia Leitte perform during the opening ceremony of the 2014 World Cup in Arena de Sao Paulo
Start: J-LO acknowledges the crowd after singing the official World Cup song 'We Are One (Ola Ola)' alongside Pitbull
High notes: Singer Leitte performs during the
opening ceremony of the 2014 World Cup where the Brazuca ball was before
it split into segments
There were
plenty of perfectly viable ways to start this World Cup — the ceremonial
beheading of various disgraced FIFA executive committee members, for
instance — but Brazil 2014 went for the usual. A cast of hundreds twirling colourfully but to no real purpose, representing the same old cliches that bear about as much resemblance to the true soul of Brazil as Morris dancers would cut to the heart of old England.
Still, it was good to see the spirit of Frank Sidebottom rekindled in the dancers with what appeared to be footballs for heads. They resisted the opportunity to do Frank’s own World Cup song, Three Shirts On The Line — a pulsating tale of the time his ball went over next door’s fence — but you can’t have everything.
All opening ceremonies have a central theme, though, and this was no exception. Nature, people and football — ‘Brazil’s greatest treasures,’ according to FIFA, who would know a bit about plundering them — were the subject of this one, which included 660 dancers, floaters and others just standing for large parts of the process wondering how hot it could get inside a giant football head before a person passed out. As ever, the action was ripe with hidden meaning.
In the mood: J-LO, Leitte and Pitbull perform on
the central stage in Sao Paulo ahead of the World Cup opener between
Brazil and Croatia
The World Cup stage: The Brazuca ball split into
segments to allow Pitbull, J-LO and Leitte to perform during the
opening ceremony
Looking on: A Brazil fan waits for the start of the Group A match against Croatia, which the host nation won 3-1
A mix of all kinds: A Mexico fan looks on while
wearing his eccentric peacock-feathered headdress during the opening
ceremony in Sao Paulo
Many had the
tall folk on stilts down as representing the trees of the Amazonian
rainforest, but those of a more creative bent will have instantly
spotted the subtle representation of England’s back four against Germany
in Bloemfontein. The same stilted sideways movement, uncannily similar pace. Maybe the trees turned quicker and had a better positional sense, but there is always a degree of artistic licence where these festivals are concerned.
Soon after, dancers in national costumes old and new celebrated together, some performing somersaults and cartwheels, representing the joy that is felt among the various members of FIFA ExCo when the bloke from Qatar turns up with a sackload of readies.
More formally attired attendants represented the lawyers telling journalists they can’t make jokes like that, because nothing of this nature has been proven. And that they’re racists, probably. It really was a most heart-warming scene.
Meanwhile, extras dressed as flowers, sprouts, sprites and other stuff you pick out of a salad stood around doing, well, nothing really. Everyone was waiting for J-Lo.
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