Gay Wedding

Behind every wedding you can find a story. The story of this wedding joining two men, Jonathan and Jeff, occurring later this month, begins three generations back, with my older sister Florence, Jonathan's grandmother. She has not lived to attend the wedding and there's no betting that she would even were she alive.



Florence's son Arden, Jonathan's dad, was married and fathered Jonathan, later separating from his wife Anita and entering a gay life with a male partner, Dru. Florence, who grew up in Texas as I did, married young and moved to Colorado where she lived the rest of her life. She had three children, Arden the eldest. Her pride in his not minor accomplishments was marred by a refusal to accept that his marriage ended and he took on a new lifestyle. (Knowledge that our mother accepted my homosexuality seemed to have no currency.) When Arden called from California and said that Dru was there, she asked, "Who is that?"



She may have viewed the story as tragic, but it fell short; all parties ended up fine. There's a close friendship today even between Arden and Anita, his former wife, Jonathan's mother. Only my sister got left out.



And now Arden and Anita's son, my great nephew, found a mate to whom he will be married. "I knew we were right for each other as soon as we met," Jonathan has said. That's heaven smiling broadly down. I wonder what my sister would think if she knew how it has played out -- that her only grandchild whom she loved were soon to marry another man. Would she open her heart to give blessing to something unheard of in her lifetime? I hope so.



In a few days, therefore, a wedding will take place between two men, one in his thirties, the other in his twenties, both smart and successful, or soon-to-be -- an event remarkable today in his lack of remarkability.



Here's where Uncle Stanley comes in. Jonathan and Jeff's wedding joining a long line of such events I've attended or been part of, the question arises of finding a gift. I've got a lot of practice there and normally don't find it a challenge, but here it is, since these two men rank high among the world's most exacting in their tastes.



Allow me at this place to mention that since I've never been the headliner in a wedding, I've yet to be the recipient of a wedding gift (or one for Father's Day, either). I mention this minor injustice that could be remedied if ever were created an Uncle's Day, where I might do nicely.



Besides finding a gift, there's the matter of dress for the wedding reception. The invitation calls for "Cocktail Attire," which I'd like to interpret as offering considerable leeway. I may not agonize over this, but I probably will. Actually, I needn't, since there will be a lot of smarter outfits and smarter looking people to draw attention more than I do or whatever I wear.



Parenthetically, I've noticed that although plenty of gay weddings are taking place these days, there remain couples who live together without its leading to marriage. Then, I know a few instances where two men decided to be married having a tax advantage in mind. That seemed to me pretty unromantic, but I suppose I might do something similar. I've been accused to wanting the honeymoon without the marriage.



Anyway, right now I'm pondering what gift for Jonathan and Jeff would bring sparkle to their eyes. Would a second cat work?



Along the way, I look forward to when the world recognizes that it's past time to pay respect to uncles with an annual Uncle's Day.



Stanley Ely dissects some good and bad of family life in his new book, Life Up Close, a Memoir in paperback and E-book.



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Climate Change Gets More Air Time On Some TV News Shows

WASHINGTON -– So far, 2014 has seen a renewed interest in climate change on the Sunday morning political talk shows. In just the first six months of this year, the major newscasts have featured more coverage of climate change than they did in the four previous years combined, according to a new Media Matters analysis.



Media Matters puts together regular reports on broadcast coverage of climate change, and its recent studies have found a shocking shortage of stories on the subject. While the last report found more coverage in 2013 than in 2012, it was still down from the peak in coverage that happened in 2009.



But 2014 has been a busy year for climate stories. In March, a new report from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change warned of the threats that climate change poses to economies, food supplies and human security globally. In May, federal agencies released an assessment of climate threats here in the United States. And in June, the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency released the first-ever limits on planet-warming greenhouse gases from existing power plants, which produce nearly 40 percent of domestic emissions.



Among the Sunday shows, ABC's "This Week," CBS' "Face The Nation," NBC's "Meet The Press," and Fox's "Fox News Sunday" have had a total of 65 minutes of climate change coverage so far this year -– which is the same amount they had in 2010, 2011, 2012 and 2013 combined.







"Meet The Press" had the most coverage, with 21 minutes spent on the issue.



The report notes, however, that part of this coverage came in a debate format, in which television personality Bill Nye "The Science Guy" took on Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.), who doesn't think climate change is a real problem. Though host David Gregory led the segment by affirming climate science, Media Matters argues that the debate format in the show "misinformed audiences … with false balance."



"Face The Nation" had 18 minutes of climate programing and "This Week" had 16 minutes. "Fox News Sunday" had one segment on climate change, but the featured guests included George Will and others who, like him, dismiss the reality of climate change. "Fox News Sunday" was also the only show that did not include any climate scientists in its coverage.







The increased coverage comes after a push from senators to improve reporting on climate change in Sunday shows and nightly news. Media Matters reports that coverage on nightly news, however, has not increased so far in 2014.



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BBC Must Increase Number Of Women On Air, Trust Says

The BBC Trust's annual report draws out a clear proposal to "improve the representation of women on air."



The report, which outlines the news organizations priorities for 2014/2015, said that the BBC must address the "gender imbalance" in the content being produced and called on management to develop "a co-ordinated plan."



"We want the BBC to make measurable progress in reflecting better the diversity of the UK population in the BBC’s workforce and its output, in particular increasing the number of women on air," the report read.



The Guardian's John Plunkett pointed out that the BBC Trust's demand -- which it first stated last December -- comes after consistent criticism and repeated requests for more women.



The BBC Trust stated that all efforts to bring more women on air would be part of a "wider diversity strategy" to represent and serve all audiences. The report noted that there had been attempts to address the gender inequality issue in the past, such as an initiative to ensure that 50 percent of BBC local radio stations have a female breakfast presenter.



A recent study by the Women's Media Center illustrates this gender problem in one chart, highlighting that the news is anchored by a man about 60 percent of the time.



(h/t: Poynter)



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Manchester City land in Kansas for US pre-season tour as they prepare to defend Premier League title

Pellegrini and his Manchester City squad jetted in to Kansas Airport on Monday, ahead of their four-match tour of the US, which includes games against AC Milan and Liverpool.

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Steven Gerrard quit England with a heavy heart... but he deserved to go out on his own terms and Liverpool will reap benefit

DOMINIC KING: To appreciate what playing for England meant to Steven Gerrard, let us to take you back to early November 2012 and the place where it all began for him.

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Liverpool train at Harvard University as Loic Remy flies out to America for medical

Liverpool trained at Harvard University on Monday with Loic Remy on his way out to the US to join his future team-mates. The Reds have agreed a fee of around £8million with QPR for the France international.

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Grandpa Surprises Everyone With Age-Defying Dance Moves, Proves You're Only As Old As You Feel

When this elderly man's song comes on, nothing can hold him back.



Not only does he cut a rug so fiercely that he has to throw off his canes, but see around the 1:50 mark how this stud muffin dances with not one, but two ladies. It just goes to show that age is a state of mind, and you're never too old to bust some serious moves.



Get it, grandpa!





h/t PetFlow



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Did Fox and MLB Snub Tony Gwynn at All-Star Game Because of Chewing Tobacco?

Hall-of-Famer Tony Gwynn was conspicuously not mentioned at the 2014 Major League Baseball All-Star Game. Could it be because later in his life, Gwynn was critical of chewing tobacco, blaming it for the cancerous tumors that eventually took his life?



Mark Townsend of Big League Stew with Yahoo Sports reported that Fox Sports and Major League Baseball issued a joint statement about the non-mention of Gwynn.

We are deeply saddened by the loss of Hall of Famer Tony Gwynn, an extraordinary individual whose memory we have honored in numerous ways in recent weeks. The Baseball family has sadly lost a number of people this year - including Hall of Famer Ralph Kiner, Frank Cashen, and former All-Stars Jerry Coleman, Jim Fregosi and Don Zimmer - and did not want to slight anyone by singling out one individual.

Hollywood knows how to handle such tributes. They take a minute or two to show a quick video of all actors, directors, producers, etc. in the midst of their Oscars celebration every year. Why can't MLB? Why, during their three or more hour game, couldn't they have taken a minute to mention those names?



You know that if New York Yankees Shortstop Derek Jeter had perished in a car crash a few weeks before the game that somebody might have said something. Nobody would have said "Well, we want to be fair to Frank Cashen, so we won't mention Jeter."



Maybe there's a reason the silence was deafening.



Before he died, the San Diego Padres star became very vocal about how much trouble chewing tobacco caused him. Cindy Boren with the Washington Post noted that Gwynn "believed that his lengthy habit of using smokeless tobacco was to blame for cancer of the mouth and salivary glands that took his life."



And Fox Sports and Major League Baseball occasionally wag their finger at smokeless tobacco, but neither wants their advertising revenue to "dip."





Photo taken by the author.



High school baseball teams have banned chewing tobacco. College baseball bans chewing tobacco. The minor leagues do too. But MLB doesn't, according to the Boston Globe . Sure they said teams shouldn't make it available in clubhouses, and shouldn't chomp chaw during interviews.



Major League Baseball has a long connection to smokeless tobacco. Chewing tobacco companies used to provide free samples to teams. Baseball cards and bullpens owe their origin to chewing tobacco. Acknowledging Gwynn's death and why it happened might actually lead for calls to ban the substance in MLB.



As for Fox, the network also has an ambivalent relationship with chewing tobacco.



When Gwynn's death was announced and chewing tobacco was cited as a reason by everyone else, a Fox Sports article written by Loren Grush said "But does the science back up the claim? When it comes to the origins of most cancers, many experts are hesitant to attribute the development of tumors to one cause in particular." The article goes on to say there's a possible association between tobacco and such cancers, but it leaves enough of a "maybe." Other articles on the subject are far more clear about the deadly dangers of the chewing tobacco.



Fox has chided lawmakers for calling for bans on smokeless tobacco. Another Fox Sports article says that slugger Josh Hamilton ended his slump when he went back to chewing tobacco. And there's Fox pundit Sarah Palin, who went in front of the NRA to denounce New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg's tobacco billboard bans, pulling out a can of chewing tobacco to the crowd cheers.



Perhaps Fox and MLB didn't want to mention Gwynn during the game because it might have led to increased calls to ban smokeless tobacco. And that would rile up players, conservatives, and chewing tobacco companies.



John A. Tures is a professor of political science at LaGrange College in LaGrange, Ga. He can be reached at jtures@lagrange.edu.



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This Is Why You Should Proofread A College Diploma (PHOTO)

There's a reason proofreading exists.



And apparently, its pitfalls are all too real for this guy, whose diploma from the University of California-Berkley hung on his wall for six years before he noticed a rather unfortunate typo. Or at least, six years before he finally posted it to reddit for all of us to enjoy.







"It has been hanging on our wall like that for years and my wife noticed it when we were packing to move," the redditor who posted the photo wrote.



The opportunities for (dirty) puns here are endless, so we'll leave those up to you -- but we definitely didn't know there was a degree in that particular field.



[h/t Total Frat Move]



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Storytelling Returns to Marketing

What do every great movie, book and marketing campaign have in common? The answer: a great story. Now this may seem like an old mantra, but as Internet marketing dominated our agendas in recent years, we focused our energy heavily (and a bit too much in my opinion) on keywords, tags, short-form posts, tweets, etc. While it's OK to be brief in your communications, we can't let our story suffer because of the medium. And with the continued fragmentation of media, we need to return to telling stories because it sets our message apart and helps our meaning ring clear amid the noise in the marketplace of attention.



Part of the beauty of the Internet is that it democratized marketing. Anyone can write a blog which is easily searchable and findable. We can make our own videos which can "go viral" and reach millions of eyeballs. The Internet is the world's biggest "open for business" sign and has profoundly changed how we market. But as the Web has found its way as a tool, it also influenced how we communicate. For a period of time, we were blasting out as much information as we could to build awareness -- and the story suffered. Every SEO company would write "press releases" which said virtually nothing and distribute them to "article farm" websites that published them. No story, no message, just keywords and gobbledygook which somehow improved search results. The smart folks at Google figured it out and have since implemented ongoing changes which favor, yep you guessed it, original, meaningful content.



We need to return to telling our stories and engaging our audience with interesting information. The good news is you need not develop thousands of pieces of content, but you must be smarter about what you are distributing.



I have been noodling over this topic for a while but a couple pieces of communications caught my attention in the past week which are prime examples of the power of storytelling. The first was LeBron James' "essay" in Sports Illustrated . I found it to be a strong piece of PR communications that explained James' position in a way that was believable and authentic. That piece has been analyzed to death in the past week, so I'm not going to get into the details about it -- but I liked it.



The second is an exceptional article written this week by Chip Bergh, CEO of Levi Strauss & Co., who generated a ton of buzz back in May when he suggested that you should never wash your jeans. The story was picked up by news outlets across the country including Good Morning America. While the buzz has little depth, the response published this week tells a real story.





ABC News | ABC Sports News



In an essay that first appeared on LinkedIn as The Dirty Jeans Manifesto , Berg goes into detail about how jeans ought to be washed (infrequently, by hand, in cold water and dried on a line) but also seizes the opportunity to talk about sustainability. Now, jeans that are never washed and last for years meet a lot of my sustainability tests, but Berg also explained how Levi's has dug deep into this issue - and because it was part of a compelling story, I listened. Here's a little bit of it:

...In 2007, [Levi's] conducted an extensive "lifecycle assessment" of a pair of jeans to understand the carbon footprint of one pair of jeans and just how much water and energy a pair of jeans "consumes" in its lifetime, from "cradle" (growing the cotton) to "grave" (recycling, reuse, or worst case, to a landfill).

... An average pair of jeans consumes roughly 3,500 liters of water - and that is after only two years of use, washing the jeans once a week. Nearly half of the total water consumption, or 1,600 liters, is the consumer throwing the jeans in the washing machine. That's equivalent to 6,700 glasses of drinking water!

The piece goes on to explain what Levi's has done to reduce water consumption in its manufacturing process and also how the company offers guidance to consumers on how to reduce their carbon footprint -- by washing jeans the way Berg professes. He says he washes them himself and that his wife can attest.



By weaving the sustainability message into the story about how often one should wash your jeans, Berg made a lot of people aware of the company's positioning. Before the other day, I never thought for a second about the sustainability of my favorite skinny jeans, but it's now on my radar -- though I don't think I have ever worn any brand other than Levi's.



Berg posted his "manifesto" on LinkedIn, and it was later published on The Huffington Post . The story drove it to wider circulation.



Of course, writing something compelling and posting it on LinkedIn doesn't guarantee it will get viral legs, but that's where professional communications comes into play. Specific tactics are best left for another article, but primarily we need to look at all options, paid and otherwise, to get our "stories" in front of larger audiences. More on that soon.



Have you seen examples of great storytelling lately? And how often do you wash your jeans?



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CNN Shows Us How NOT To Cover MH17 Crash

There are right times to use a pun on the news and well, there are wrong times.



Monday morning was the latter for CNN's Chris Cuomo, who was reporting live from the site where Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 crashed last week. Cuomo asked Congressman Mike Rogers (R-MI) to “shoot down” the possibility that missiles launched by Ukrainian forces could have downed MH17. He quickly realized his own gaffe, adding, “Excuse the pun.”



(h/t Mediaite)



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Wayne Rooney favourite to be next England captain with Joe Hart and Gary Cahill also in contention

Bookmakers have already installed Wayne Rooney as favourite to be England’s next captain in the wake of Steven Gerrard’s international retirement. As if they had much choice.

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Grandpa Surprises Everyone With Age-Defying Dance Moves, Proves You're Only As Old As You Feel

When this elderly man's song comes on, nothing can hold him back.



Not only does he cut a rug so fiercely that he has to throw off his canes, but see around the 1:50 mark how this stud muffin dances with not one, but two ladies. It just goes to show that age is a state of mind, and you're never too old to bust some serious moves.



Get it, grandpa!





h/t PetFlow



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Ruby Rose Explores Gender In Powerful New Video 'Break Free'

Model and DJ Ruby Rose has released an incredible short film that explores the fluidity of the way humans embody concepts of gender.



Called "Break Free," the video, released last week, is a powerful look at the ways that gender is performed and lived -- at least through a binary understanding of male/female.



Rose has since used the video's visibility to discuss other issues affecting the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community. On Friday she posted the following statement on her Facebook:

You know what needs to stop just as much as homophobia, bullying within the LGBT Community... A 'bisexual' isn't just greedy.. 'Pansexual' exists and isn't a cop out.. 'Straight' people can be gay huge advocates and blessings to the community... you can identify as trans without surgery, you can be gender fluid... in fact guess what... you can be whoever you are and like whoever you like and WE should spread the love and acceptance we constantly say we don't receive.

Check out the video for "Break Free" above.

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The Bride's Guide to Powerful Persuasion and Getting Everything You Want

The journey that takes you through your wedding and into your new marriage is going to involve a complex series of negotiations. Everything, from what your soon-to-be-mother-in-law wears to the wedding to when (or if) you have children, will be negotiated and decided. The more persuasive you are, the more likely your negotiations will get you what you want.



Persuasion is not easy to define. Wikipedia says "persuasion is a form of social influence; the process of using rational (not necessarily logical) and symbolic means to guide or bring someone towards adopting an idea, attitude, or action."



As a professional mediator I've learned that persuasion is not about dragging someone along. And, it's not about manipulating or tricking them either. Instead, persuasion is about getting people to see a bigger picture and buy into your ideas. You can use the power of persuasion to get what you want if you master these five tactics.



Tactic #1. Figure out what you really want. Before you open your mouth, ask yourself "What do I want?" (I suggest you pull out a notebook and write down your answer.) Once you are clear about what you really want, put your desires temporarily aside. Now ask yourself these four questions:

1. What are five possible ways to get me what I want?
   


2. Which way will encounter the least resistance?
   


3. Whose help do I need to enlist to get what I want?
   


4. What can I offer in exchange for that help?

Tactic #2. Know your budget. Before you begin any significant undertaking (a wedding, a home purchase, etc.) you should know the overall budget. While individual line items may change as you negotiate priorities and trade-offs, you should always be clear -up-front -- on the limitations each person has placed on their contribution to the final costs. Yes, it is true that without this restriction you might get more out of them. But, you then risk creating resentments and hard feelings that can last a life-time. Heed this warning! In the joy of the moment, it's easy to look the other way. Don't do it!! Kathryn Huffer, a wedding planner, with Beach Promises, in Naples, Florida says "budgeting is the most important thing you can do to ensure a stress-free wedding." And, ultimately, having the money talk now will pave the way for being able to hold the difficult discussions every family eventually gets to.



Tactic #3. Figure out what's in it for the person on the other side. Whether the other side is your parents, the florist, or the girl-friend planning your bachelorette party, the more you know about how this other person can benefit, the easier it will be for you to convince him or her to do what you want. (BTW, don't expect the person on the other side to know what's in it for you. They cannot read your mind! You have to tell them exactly what you want from them, or you will not get it.)



Tactic #4. Create a safe space. Will you be asking for what you want in Grandma's kitchen or in a lion's den? Our perceptions of our environments trump reality. Your job is to make every place feel like Grandma's kitchen. Otherwise, any hint of a possible threat may trigger a guarded or defensive response. Powerful persuasion won't happen if the person on the other side is guarded. To get that guard lowered you need to create a sense of physical and emotional safety. When human beings (and other animals) feel safe they relax, play, mate, eat, and sleep. You are much more likely to get what you want when the other person is in a relaxed stance instead of the warrior pose. Here are six things you can do to get someone to lower his or her guard and feel safe.

• Point out commonalities you share. Are your motivations, values, or concerns the same? Point them out. Play up the "home team" connections that you share.


• 
  


• Disclose something about yourself that shows your weakness. But, choose carefully as this information could be used against you or your argument.


• 
  


• Watch your body language. The person on the other side will be reading what you say and what you don't say, both verbally and with your body language. Avoid sending messages that threaten an attack. And, avoid mixed messages. If your words say one thing while your non-verbal message says something else, it is the non-verbal message that will be believed.


• 
  


• Give-up or Give-in. But, don't give up the ship. Instead, find something minor to sacrifice. This will encourage the person on the other side to reciprocate.


• 
  


• Go to Grandma's kitchen. Set up the environment so that it smells good and feels friendly. (Hint: this may require the involvement of comfort food.)


• 
  


• Make "I want to find solutions that work for you and for me" your mantra. It's difficult to argue with you when you are saying "I want to find solutions that work for you and for me."

Tactic #5. Think it over. Do NOT react emotionally. You are no longer that girl in the toy store. Think things through, sleep on it, and wait for the inevitable unfolding. Do not allow suppliers or vendors to push you into a decision based on their reports of scarcity. You will almost always get a better price if you don't sign-up during the sales presentation. Instead, call later and ask for a discount before you commit.



One last thing. Before you start persuading, remember that trying to persuade someone to change who they are is useless. Personal change doesn't come as the result of an external force. So, if something is not working for you, save your breath and figure out how you can change yourself, your outlook, your attitude, or your situation. This might be the best way to get what you want.



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Aww-Worthy Grooms' Reactions Remind Us What Love Looks Like

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10 Ways You May Be Sabotaging Your Relationship

By Dave Elliot for YourTango.com



I've assembled a list of non gender-specific ways that couples sabotage their relationships. Hopefully, this list will help create some "a-ha" moments, great conversations and behavioral changes.



Here are ten warning signs that couples should be aware of before it's too late:



1) You focus more on what's wrong rather than what's right. 




The fundamental truth in life is that humans tend to find what they look for in their world. Some people are convinced we're on the path to immediate ruin while others believe we're living in the most exciting time to be alive in history. Both opinions can point to outstanding arguments to support their premise. But how can they both be right when they live in the same world?



It's because humans have an ability to live in a world of their own making, simply by choosing where we focus. This is also how you can keep your love alive and vibrant at the same time. You can focus on what a lazy, forgetful, good-for-nothing partner you have or you can see them as a wonderful and loving partner who occasionally overlooks a request when he or she is distracted. Which one would you choose to spend a lifetime with, since the choice is all yours? As you believe, so you will perceive.



2) You'd rather be right than in love
.



As long as we're talking about how to respond proactively when things go wrong, let's just acknowledge that there will inevitably be times when your partner falls short, makes a mistake or frankly, just blows it. Even though it may seem justified or feel better in the moment, choosing a righteous response will only damage trust and create lingering resentment. Plus, it will teach them to stonewall, deny and argue rather than simply apologize and admit a mistake in the future.



It's critical to condition the behavior you want to see by using rewards and not punishment if you want a relationship that lasts. Take the high road and give your partner the benefit of the doubt, especially if they don't expect or feel they deserve it. It really builds up appreciation, good will and a desire to do even better to please you next time.



Bottom line: whenever possible, give people a graceful way to save face when they screw up. Have the humility to apologize quickly if you're the one who screws up. Both habits will go a very long way to creating and sustaining the love you deserve. [Please note: I am not suggesting you be a doormat and allow outrageous behavior to go unchallenged. I'm simply saying don't sweat the small stuff and choose to stand your ground on the bigger stuff that may be a deal breaker.]



3) You take things personally and make it about you.




Human beings will usually try to meet their perceived needs, even if it occasionally means violating their values in some way. The truth is, it often has very little to do with anyone else because someone else's needs simply aren't as critical as your own needs. That makes sense, doesn't it? That's why it's a huge waste of time and energy to demonize a partner's actions and make them about you.



Choose to empathize with their needs instead. What better way to demonstrate maturity and your own value than by acknowledging that your partner has needs that also deserve to be met? Do your best to be the one who can help them meet their needs better than anyone else. When you take things personally and get your feelings hurt too easily, it closes off communication, makes problem-solving nearly impossible and leaves you both at risk. Instead, be open to hearing what your partner wants and needs. Look for the common ground instead of the insult.



4) You don't create a safe space for your partner to speak openly and just be.




I know many of these items seem to overlap and that's because they do cross over into one another. The truth is, bad habits and poor strategies that don't work are a slippery slope to ruin. People have a need to be seen, heard, acknowledged and appreciated just as they are. They don't want to be judged, manipulated or treated as if they're wrong and broken. This is a foundational need that is so important, it's almost like emotional oxygen.



I'll tell you a secret: Sometimes, people may think they need or want things that might be real deal breakers for other people. But what they really needed all along was just the acceptance that came with simply hearing them out and not making them wrong. They key to remember is that as soon as you judge someone else, you lose all ability to influence them. If you can accept people where they are and give them more unconditional love than they've ever felt in their lives, that is the secret to an undying love. Think about it. Why would someone risk losing the greatest partner they've ever had? Someone who also happens to always see the absolute best in them, even when they, themselves, temporarily lose sight of it. That is a powerful attribute and really, really tough to ever leave.



5) You put other people or things ahead of your relationship
.



What you fail to celebrate will eventually deteriorate. A relationship, like all living things, needs nurturing, care and ongoing nourishment if you want it to not only survive, but thrive. Too often, we get hypnotized by random unfinished business, never-ending demands and the shiny objects of a 24/7 media world.



The key here is instituting rituals. If you value what you have, institute a regular date night ritual or a bedtime ritual — like a nightly gratitude check-in or just couples time. This is not a time to vent or complain. It's a time to connect, wind down and fill one another up for the next day. If that seems too overwhelming to do on a daily basis, just try it once for a week or a month. The idea is to build a habit and muscle. You don't get in great shape by going to a gym once. It's the culmination of many trips that gives you the results you want. Again, let the ritual do the work and you'll thank me for it later.



6) You don't know or fulfill one another's love strategy
.



You need to learn how to understand, communicate and request that your own needs be met in a way that makes your partner very likely to comply with them. Basically, I call it The H.U.G. & K.I.S.S. Hierarchy™. It's like getting the precise combination to your partner's love vault and being able to crack it open any time you wish.



Let me put it this way: if you knew exactly how to delight your partner over and over again and make them feel more loved, understood and appreciated than they've ever felt in their whole life, would you do it? Of course you would! I can't tell you how many times I hear couples in crisis angrily claim, "I've done everything!" But the truth is if they did the right thing, they wouldn't be in crisis, would they?



7) You expect your partner to think and act exactly like you.




Do you know the root cause of nearly every argument between a couple in a relationship? It's about some sort of discrepancy between their individual values, beliefs, habits or expectations. That's it. In order to be successful long-term, it's important to be on similar pages regarding some of life's most important topics. It's also worth remembering that a relationship is between two individuals.



It's important that you give your partner room to have their own opinions and views without trying to change them or manipulate them to your way of thinking. Effective partnership is really about voluntarily becoming a team because you recognize that together, you are better than the sum of your parts. When it comes to reconciling your differences, you really only have three good choices: you can either celebrate them, mitigate them or obliterate them. Which one would you prefer?



8) You lost polarity and the attraction has totally fizzled out
.



I could give you a whole science lesson on magnetic attraction or polarity but let me just bottom-line it for you. Two energies which are polar opposites create attraction and stick together effortlessly. Two energies that are the same repel one another.



When partners are living in their core energy, they attract naturally but under pressure, they lose their way and take on opposite attributes. In other words, both partners find one another equally repulsive. The solution is two people finding the strength and resolve to recapture what they once had, protect it and nurture it. Build it back to where it's stronger than ever and to withstand whatever comes its way. It sounds easy to say, but sometimes it requires some expert assistance to help bring you back from the edge. This is what I do and if I can help, please feel free to reach out. True love is far too precious to just throw it away without first giving it everything you've got.



9) You're inauthentic or lose respect for one another
.



As long as we're talking about opposites here, there are essentially two states when it comes to living in true, complete and radical authenticity. You are either living fully expressed, completely repressed or somewhere in between. People who are fully expressed and are well along on the path to self-actualization tend to be some of the happiest and most fulfilled people you'll ever meet. By the same token, repressed individuals tend to live with varying degrees of shame, unhappiness or even self-loathing. In fact, repressed individuals often strike back at society through violence or criminal activity when the frustration gets too high.



The beautiful thing about relationships at their best is that it's within the bonds of true intimacy where individuals are free to be completely self-expressed, accepted and even protected. One of the great ironies in the human experience is that there may be no greater force to bring two people together than true radical authenticity. People who are free and make no apologies for themselves are seen as powerful and compelling. Even when two parties are totally at odds with one another, nothing has the power to reunite them more beautifully than raw vulnerability, when expressed without attack. I've seen it too many times and watched people come back from the edge, even when all was feared lost. Your greatest power is also that which you fear the most — embracing your true vulnerability.




10) You over-value certainty or fail to embrace change. 




There is only one constant in life. Change is inevitable. The old joke is that women marry men thinking they'll change him. Men marry women thinking they'll never change. Somehow, they both end up being wrong. The truth of the matter is that over the course of a lifetime, you will learn things, make new distinctions and further clarify your values and beliefs.



You can either grow apart slowly over time or you can honor one another's journey. Find the common ground and do your best to expand it whenever possible. No one says you and your partner have to be of one mind on every possible issue. But you can be of one heart if you simply love them for who they are and who they are on the way to becoming. Everyone is bound to change over time, but no one wants to be changed or feel pressured to conform. If you don't want it done to you, don't do it to your partner.




This article originally appeared on YourTango.com



More from YourTango:

• Are You in Love? Here’s How to Tell!


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• Feeling Hopeless? Save Your Marriage with This Advice


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• 15 Signs You’re in an Abusive Relationship


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• Trying Couples Counseling? 3 Tips You’ll Need

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Adam Levine Marries Behati Prinsloo In Front Of Robert Downey Jr., Others

Adam Levine, alleged Sexiest Man Alive and person who knows you think he's a douchebag, is now married to Behati Prinsloo. According to People, the couple tied the knot in Mexico on Saturday night, July 19th, in front of an intimate group of approximately 275 guests, which included Robert Downey Jr.



Levine, 35, and Prinsloo, 25, got engaged in June of 2013 after dating for a year. While preparing for their wedding, Levine spoke openly about being ready to settle down. "I definitely feel like I'm sitting in the chair I'm supposed to be sitting in right now," he told People. "It all feels very natural."



E! News reports that Levine "looked dapper in a fitted tux," while Prinsloo wore a white Marchesa gown. The couple, who is headed to South America for their honeymoon, received no gifts from Robert Downey Jr. or anyone else, having requested that guests donate to the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles.



There is no report as to whether "She Will be Loved" was played on infinite loop at the reception, but it probably was.







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Ex Destiny's Child Member, Farrah Franklin, Arrested For Disorderly Conduct

A former member of Destiny's Child was arrested in South Carolina over the weekend for disorderly conduct.



Farrah Franklin, who was a part of the R&B group for five months before her exit in 2000, was arrested for disorderly conduct after a night out in Myrtle Beach on Sunday, July 20, the Associated Press reports.



Franklin had been out drinking with NFL players Daquan Bowers and Ricky Sapp when the three returned to Sapp's house early Sunday. The two men told police the 33-year-old was "yelling, slamming doors and refused to stop when asked," so they called the police. When law enforcement arrived, they found Franklin lying in a neighbor's yard. She told them she "did not have anywhere else to go and was planning on sleeping in the woods."



She was booked into the J. Reuben Long Detention Center at 4:55 a.m. on Sunday, according to the Horry County Sheriff's Office. She was released on $280 bond.



After the incident, Franklin posted a motivational quote to Instagram, and wrote: "That part! I'm good just hate the dumb media sometimes, but hey this is the job I signed up for. So I respect it #TurnDownForWhat #TeamFARRAH #GodsChild #Instagram."







TMZ reported this is not the first time Franklin has been arrested for disorderly conduct. She was arrested in Los Angeles in 2011 for the same offense. At the time, she allegedly claimed she was the victim of racial profiling.



Beyonce told MTV in 2000 that Franklin's exit was a group decision that came after she missed multiple promotional events.

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A-Sides with Jon Chattman: Miguelito Keeps It Humble; Ace Reporter's New Lyric Music Video "Arrives"

In a pop world in which teen stars crash and burn, it's so refreshing to watch and listen to Latin Grammy winner Miguelito. The 15 year old has kept his head on straight no matter the success he's found at such a young age. While most kids are playing video games or getting messy playing in dirt outdoors, Miguelito started his music career at the age of six, releasing Mas Grande Que Tu. That album was a hit, and his follow-up El Heredero earned him a Latin Grammy for Best Childrens' Album. He's been praised by Billboard, and just about everywhere else, and urban legend Daddy Yankee took him under his wing shortly thereafter. Not too bad considering when I was seven, my biggest accomplishment was getting lost on the beach at Wildwood, NJ. Anyway, Miguelito is back with a cover of The Archies classic "Sugar Sugar," and it's as catchy now as it was back then. His "Suga Suga" is a summer gem, and features Boyz II Men's Shawn Stockman. At Primary Wave Music's Listening Room in New York City, I spoke with the young talent for A-Sides about his fast rise in the industry and working with Stockman and Daddy Yankee. Enjoy!





"Suga Suga" (which is an energetic remake of The Archies 1969 timeless classic "Sugar Sugar") made its highly anticipated worldwide debut exclusively via Sirius XM Satellite Radio. "I chose "Suga Suga" as my new single because my family and I would sing along to the original song when I was growing up. Shawn Stockman from Boyz II Men and I have created this new upbeat version. I am super excited to be collaborating with him on this song," commented Miguelito. Miguelito's colorful version is sure to have everyone dancing to the contagious beat of the song, and it won't be long until the catchy lyrics become the new teen pop anthem.











It's been a pretty good year for Chicago's Ace Reporter, and that's probably an understatement. The band's Yearling XL was released to much love, and today the band's allowing me to premiere the lyric video for its hit single "Untouched and Arrived" courtesy of Northern

Transmissions. Have a watch and listen, and get on this band now. They're going to make you famous in your social circles one day.



Ace Reporter: Untouched and Arrived Lyric Video:







A-Sides "Delve Into Twelve" Countdown

Each week A-Sides unleashes its Top 12 tracks of the week AKA the "Delve Into Twelve"based on the following contributing factors: songs I'm playing out that particular week NO MATTER WHEN THEY WERE RELEASED (think overlooked songs, unreleased tracks, and old favorites), songs various publicists are trying to get me to listen to that I did and dug a bunch, posts and trends I've noticed on my friends' Facebook walls, and - most importantly - the songs my two-year-old son gravitates toward by stomping his feet in approval. Yeah, you read that right. This weeks follows below (LW= last week's rank).



12. "Hunger of the Pine" (debut) - Alt-J

11. "Overdose" (debut) - Little Daylight

10. "Boom Clap" (debut) - Charli XCX

9."Get Hurt" (LW-11) - Gaslight Anthem

8. "Let it Burn" (LW-5) - The Orwells

7."Out of My Mind" (LW-10) - Magic Man

6."Would You Fight For My Love?" (LW-3) - Jack White

5."Like a Stranger" (LW-6) - Kitten

4. "Reverse" (LW-9) - SomeKindaWonderful

3 "Seasons (Waiting On You) - (LW-4) - Future Islands

2."Shadow" (LW-2) - Bleachers

1."Stolen Dance" (LW-1) - Milky Chance



_________


About A-Sides Music



Jon Chattman's "A-Sides Music" series was established in August 2011 and usually features artists (established or not) from all genres performing a track, and discussing what it means to them. This informal series focuses on the artist making art in a low-threatening, extremely informal (sometimes humorous) way. No bells, no whistles -- just the music performed in a random, low-key setting followed by an unrehearsed chat. In an industry where everything often gets overblown and over manufactured, I'm hoping this is refreshing. Artists have included: fun, Courtney Love, Air Supply, Birdy, Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings, Pharrell Williams, American Authors, Imagine Dragons, Gary Clark Jr., and more! A-Sides theme written and performed by Blondfire.

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