Never mind what loudmouth Texans might say, everything is actually bigger in Brazil. And right now, a mere four months out from hosting football's biggest party in their big ol' back yard, the country has a problem. A big one.
It's not unfinished stadia or the protest movements that show no sign of slowing down. Instead it's the chronic shortage of big men.
See, Luiz Felipe Scolari (Big Phil, see a pattern?) loves a big man. Always has, always will. His plan to ensure that the only ending natives can countenance - a glorious triumph - comes to pass, is centred on a big man.
Little short up front: Big Phil (Felipe Scolari) lacks the big man up front he believes his Brazil team need
Injured: Scolari's first-choice 'big man', Fluminese's Fred, has struggled with goals and injury in recent months
Peripheral: Fred alternatives Jo (left) and Leandro Damiao aren't considered up to partnering Neymar
Bad press: Fred has irritated the Brazilian public by being photographed lounging on the beach while injured
'I like a centre-forward who has a presence in the box, who gets stuck in, who is strong in the air,' Scolari said seven days ago when he named his squad for a friendly with South Africa.The man who usually gets 'stuck in' is Fred, the Fluminense frontman beloved by Scolari and scorer of nine goals in 10 internationals last year. The problem is that's when he last scored any goal - last year, August to be exact. It hasn't helped that he's spent a lot of the intervening time injured, and - to the media's dislike - some of it sunning himself on Rio's beaches. Alternatives include Leandro Damiao or Manchester City misfit Jo, but they boast just eight international goals between them and neither are particularly considered as the fitting foil for Neymar.
Marksman: Atletico Madrid's Diego Costa has pledged his future to Spain, much to Scolari's frustration
Perfect fit: Costa is exactly the sort of player Scolari wants to lead his attack, but Costa has opted to play for Spain
Amid this mess, the name that is seemingly on the lips of every chairman in the Premier League's top four, is the one who shall not be mentioned on Brazilian soil - Diego Costa. While Fred was busy missing another penalty in the Rio state league this weekend, the Atletico Madrid powerhouse continued his remarkable goal-scoring form in La Liga.
But after choosing to represent Spain over his homeland last October, Costa's name is dirt with Big Phil, no matter how badly needed he might be. 'He is turning his back on a dream of millions,' Scolari spat at the time.
As they like to do, the fixture gods have ensured that Spain and Brazil are on a collision course that could see them meet as early as the last 16, raising the terrifying spectre of Costa bringing the hosts down at the second hurdle. A Brazilian dashing the nation's dreams on home soil? That really would be a big problem.Fashion conscious Hodgson smooths things overRoy Hodgson's attempts to bring a flash of London Fashion Week to Manaus with this splendid shirt, slacks and trainers ensemble on Monday grabbed plenty of online attention. The fact that it didn't create a ripple locally shouldn't surprise as the Amazon, to be fair, has never been a hotbed of sartorial style. What did register, though, were the England manager's diplomacy skills. The FA's decision to stop off and smooth things over with the locals - even signing a shirt (but, lamentably, no accompanying slacks or trainers) for outspoken Mayor Arthur Virgilio Neto - has to go down as one of the better thought-out PR moves from the association.
Sartorial elegance? England manager Roy Hodgson caused quite a stir with his shirt, slacks and trainers combination
Good week: NeymarBrazil's darling eased national worries as he returned from an ankle injury with a sumptuous goal in Bracelona's thrashing of Rayo Vallecano on Saturday night.
Back in the goals: Neymar scores on his return from injury for Barcelona, pleasing people back in Brazil
Bad week: Eh, Neymar
It wasn't all sweetness and light though as his year-long relationship with actress Bruna Marqeuzine, currently starring in a soap where she plays both a mother and the same mother's daughter (confused? Us too), came to an end. He'll just have to console himself with that €8.8million annual wage packet. Tough life.
Remember me? Mauro Boselli (Leòn, Mexico)Well done if the name does ring a bell because, apart from Dave Whelan and Roberto Martinez, not a lot of people can recall Mauro Boselli's contribution to English football. That's probably because he never made one. Wigan Athletic shelled out £6.5million on the Argentine back in 2010. He duly played 15 league games, never scored and was never seen again.
Rediscover: Wigan flop Mauro Boselli is back on form for Leon after a miserable spell in the Premier League
This week though he was busy putting Brazilian giants Flamengo to the sword for Leon in the Copa Libertadores. There was a flash of his Latics form though when he conjured up one of the worst chip penalties we've seen in some time.
Quote of the week: 
+11
Mark your card: Visitors to bars in Brazil keep a tally of their drinks and pay at the end
'We are expecting a quiet World Cup' - FIFA General Secretary Jerome Valcke, blissfully ignoring the protests that are sure to pop up come June, or alternatively is just relieved to be in a host country where every citizen does not carry a vuvuzela. You decide.Travellers tip: Keep your cards in your pocket. Toasting triumph or drowning sorrows, either way fans are going to find their way to a late bar where they'll experience another bizarre Brazilianism. Instead of paying cash at the bar, you're given individual consumption cards that are marked every time you order a drink. You pay on your way out. Lose the card, though, and you've to settle a hefty fine before you're allowed out of the joint - upwards of £50. We found out the hard way.Amazon forecast: How's the weather up in Manaus?A week of thunderstorms, daily highs around 30-33c and humidity checking in around 85%. But, hey, at least there's a sunnier outlook between city chiefs and the England management team.Follow Joe's exploits in Brazil on Twitter
