Discussion: "Comparison is the thief of joy"

I wanted to talk a bit more this week about the idea of "comparison." I touched on it briefly in last week's "Are we relevant?" and Mademoiselle Robot explored this idea completely last week, while I focused more on talking about creative powers. And you guessed it - this week the lady Robot is talking more about those creative powers. It's a bit of a switcheroo if you will. Off we go, and let me kick off with this statement: the biggest challenge as a blogger is staying relevant in a unique way.  Inspiration can find itself anywhere and for most of us, these days, other blogs play a big part in that inspiration. But looking at other blogs can also be disheartening and sometimes drive us all to comparison insanity. So, let's explore...

When I first started FFG, I was pretty much one of the first fashion news sites in the UK that was putting out 10-20 pieces of content a day. But this wasn't an original thought. I was looking at people like Perez Hilton in the USA, digesting daily his massive amount of content and aiming to provide the same sort of service for those looking for fashion information. This was not an example of comparison and never could be as I was looking at a platform that would never be a competitor, simply a driving force for my own creativity. By default, I learned an important lesson early in my career. "Tis better to have inspiration than comparison." Since that point I have tried to digest blogs that compliment my creative side, not resemble it. In this day and age, that isn't easy to do. We now live in a world of blogging where being unique is downright difficult. Sometimes it feels like it's all been done, and ten times over. 

I blame a lot of this non-original thought on the pressures that come with comparison. We have become a team of men and women that are ruled by numbers: followers on the blog, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and more. With the launch of every new social network, the masses scramble to be top dog with the most devotees following. How can one not be part of the comparison wheel? Well, first off I'll tell you it is possible. Don't believe me? Read my piece I wrote on turning off the numbers brain. If you are constantly looking sideways to see where your "competitors" are, you will completely lose sight of where you are. This is the truth. I have watched women fall because of these pressures and completely lose their way, and ultimately give up. If you measure success by comparison to others, you might as well hand in your keys to the kingdom now. 

But here's a healthy way to use "comparison" to your advantage. Constantly compare yourself to yourself. Ok, sounds ridiculous, but this works. Be your own harshest critic and use your past self to improve your future. Be kind in your judgement but set your own goals. Rather than saying you want to have more followers than a friend, say I want to have more engaged followers than I used to have and actively go out and try to change that. It's possible, and it doesn't require you having ill will towards anyone else. 

Now, I say all of this mostly because a lot of my friends are bloggers. And a lot of those bloggers have a hell of lot larger followings than me on a lot of social networks. Well, I could sit and stew about that and constantly look at their pages and try to mimic what they are doing to grow my audience in that way (and yes, I know dozens of people that do this regularly - they blatantly change their style to match the desaturated and white washed pictures that are successful on instagram at the moment), but surely it's better to keep these people as friends, support them creatively and find your own path to greatness? Maybe that's just my own naive mind speaking but I don't understand friendships that have an underlying tone of competition. And yes, I feel like any blog you read or follow these days should feel like someone that's your friend. Hell, even if you've never met the person in the flesh. This isn't Vogue. We're meant to be relatable - not untouchable. Anyone that's forgotten that along the way needs to check out not. 

Ultimately, if you stop looking sideways you will never lose, as all you can ever do is improve if you're in the game of moving forward. Creativity doesn't have a losing streak. Sure there are ruts, but as long as you're creating, you're winning. What everyone else is doing, what companies they may be working with or how "successful" the world perceives them to be has absolutely nothing to do with you. That's the God's honest truth. You report to one person in this world and that's yourself. Do you want to be measured by comparison to others? Doubtful! 

I'll leave you with few quotes I always like to remember when it comes to this topic. In fact, they've all been part of a bulletin board above my desk at one stage or another:

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My perfect beach dress

As I write this, I'm praying you have a holiday planned - not just so you'll have a place to wear this beautiful beach dress, but so that you'll actually get the break you most likely well deserve. Call me crazy but I have this box in me laundry room that's labeled "tropical escapes." Throughout the year I find gorgeous pieces, everywhere from thrift stores to sample sales and I squirrel away these finds in this "tropical escapes" box and hope that the year will provide a destination worthy of breaking out these fantasy items. About two months ago I added one such item...

And yes, that item is staring back at you above. Monsoon and Accessorize have a good way of teasing us all by releasing a holiday shop VERY early in the year. I am pretty sure they think they're doing us all a favor, but I blame them for my hours of daydreaming as I plan out where I'll wear their stunning ensembles. I took a risk on the Ava Lace Dress - not knowing when or where I would wear it but thinking it would be the perfect hotel room to beach lounger dress. In the box it went. Two weeks ago, it came out to play in Marbella, Spain. I can confirm it's everything and more (and still available to buy on the website). 

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FFG Travels: Puente Romano, Marbella, Spain

When you live in London, weekend escapes become an essential part of life. You take them whenever and wherever you can get them (funds depending). Whether you're catching a bus to a Cotswolds weekend of coziness or hopping a plane to the continent for some sun before the two week London summer, weekends are all about escaping the city. Over the years I've tried to bring you as many quick and easy retreats as possible and my search continues with the discovery of an oasis of sorts in Marbella, Spain. Allow me to formerly introduce you to Puente Romano. 

Earlier this week I showcased a video of some of the highlights of my trip. Let's just say there are certain places you visit where still imagery only tells a third of the story. Moving images were required. Needless to say, I was floored by the magnificence of this resort.

Now, before we move forward, a little history. Puente Romano gets its name from the existing Roman Bridge that guests pass over to reach their accommodation. While the bridge dates back to the first century, the hotel itself was started in 1979. Puente Romano today sits as one of the most prestigious resorts in Marbella. It has a seaside village feel, and for good reason as it has some prime beach front real estate. Only this seaside village is a step up from what you'd expect, complete with several pools, a kicking night club (that's just opened), more restaurants than you have time to visit and service with a very large smile. 

The accommodation at Puente Romano is not only spacious (seriously, I could fit my whole London flat in a standard room), it's also chicly designed and given to you for usage with no luxury left to chance. The bathrooms come complete with a shower big enough for six people (don't get any ideas) and a bathroom complete with electric blinds that roll up to reveal a view of the room. Then there's the balcony. I knew the moment I walked in that this was a balcony designed for breakfasts in the room. As I sat, digging into my mountain of strawberries and cream, I took in the delightful smells and sounds of Marbella, Spain. Birds chirping, palm trees blowing in the wind and two swans gracefully swimming in front of my room made me think I had entered a whole different dimension entirely. 

And speaking of new dimensions... the food at Puente Romano will set your tongues wagging. No really. You'll want to tell the entire world about your culinary adventures at this hotel in Marbella, Spain. Whether you opt for the two Michelin star restaurant by Chef Dani Garcia, or keep things more casual with a visit to Rachel's, the food here is just unbelievable. They even have a gluten free bakery, people. How thoughtful of the hotel to keep people with gluten allergies in mind! Right?

Alright, it must be said that there's more to do here than just eat - although I could have done that all weekend and I have more to say about that, so leaving for another time. One can also play golf at the local golf club, go horseback riding, visit the beach, take a bike ride into the town centre or just totally zone out at the spa. Guess which activity I took on board? Oh come on, I'm a total spa nut. That was obvious. But this spa was like nothing I had seen before. Again, I think the video is best in displaying this. I'll just say this - Waterfall glass window walls! 

Now you've heard all I have to say, or all my fingers can type at this point, about this great weekend getaway from London (but watch out for a vlog on the food). So, how exactly do you get there? Well, the good news is that flights are super simple and very reasonable. I flew on Monarch from London Gatwick and the flight was not only at a decent hour, it was a great price and a VERY comfortable airline. Would definitely use them again. It's an easy win for a getaway to jump straight from the office on a Friday and jet back on a Sunday night. You'll reenter the London workforce with renewed vigour and a killer tan. Won't the other office employees be jealous! Go forth and get thee to Spain on the jiffy!

More info: http://ift.tt/MGCWxL

Fashion Foie Gras was a guest of the hotel for two nights.

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Style Conundrum: The double-my-size red dress

There's a back story here, people. Thought I'd say that first as I can see you thinking, "why is Emily wearing a dress that makes her look twice as wide as she actually is?" Enter the H&M Red Dress Style conundrum. I fell in love with this dress as I walked past H&M on Regent Street. It leapt out at me from the window with the sort of buy-me gravitas that I seldom find these days on the high street. So in I went and out I walked, with a red dress tucked safely in my bag. I didn't even try it on. Big mistake. 

As soon I returned home, I threw off my shopping gear and on went the dress that was love at first sight. Well, turns out the mirror has a good way of ruining romantic fashion moments. That same red dress, when I turned sideways, made me look like a whale. So what I do I do? Try not to let anyone see me sideways? Pray that this dress is only seen as I walk down long narrow alleyways? Ain't gonna happen. So I embraced my inner mou-mou love and packed the red dress for Marbella. Queue the second love affair. This was the most comfortable dress for the moment. It was fiery red and ready for attention, from the front, back and side. I said "screw it" to small style perfection and let my fashion freak flag fly. So who cares if I look like an exploding tomato occasionally? When cinched appropriately, I looked like a red hot tamale, ready for action. 

And that's the story of the double decker sized red dress.... 

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New Vlog: A weekend at Puente Romano in Marbella, Spain

Full review on the Hotel Puente Romano stay up tomorrow, but I thought I'd go ahead and whet your appetite with this week's vlog, showcasing some of the more stunning moments captured on camera while in residence. This was truly an experience to remember in Marbella, Spain. Check it out and don't forget to subscribe to FFG's Youtube channel so you never miss a clip going forward:

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My St James's: Shopping like a Royal in one of London's most historic neighbourhoods

There are a few neighbourhoods in London that hold a very special place in my heart and each come with their own set of memories. For me, St James's is perhaps one of the most special. It is an area of London, just south of Piccadilly, that is the most historic, the most prestigious and the most refined - and that's not just because it's where the Royals seem to do most of their shopping. St James's is quite honestly a feast for all the senses. I've lived in London for 14 years now and each time I return, I discover a new sense heightened by the experience. So, I thought it high time to share a proper exploration of the area. With the help of the St James's London, I put together a mini tour of the area. I played a full fledged tourist for the day in the hopes of encouraging more to do the same. One could spend a whole week just in this area and not see it all, but here are a few of the highlights for a 24 hour adventure. Be sure to pop on over to the St James London website to check out the video for more info on all the places listed below:

1. Check out the Cherry Blossoms right now!

It's that time of year and all the trees are in bloom in St James's. Start your tour with a drop by the St James's church and market (picture above) to take in the sites and shop the local fare. If you're a true tourist in London you'll find loads here to take home as small gifts for family and loved ones. If you're still in need of more of a Cherry Blossom moment, head over to Sake No Hana, one of my favourite sushi restaurants in London, not just the area. They have the most stunning Cherry Blossom display and menu to compliment the season (I wrote about this a few years ago - check out the pictures). 

2. Ice Cream at Fortnum & Mason

Fortnum & Mason is truly a Royal experience in St James's that engages all the senses. This is a place where tourists and locals alike gravitate towards for any number of reasons. While I'd like to say I'm usually in residence to pick up a beautiful item for the home, or a bundle of beautiful tea bags, I'm actually almost always to be found in the The Parlour at Fortnum & Mason's. This is a local favorite, to the great detriment of my waistline. Whether just popping through for an ice cream sundae, or the Knickerbocker Glory (invented at Fortnum's in 1955), this is an experience in pastels and sugar highs.

3. The scent of Royals with Floris

Floris, the royal perfumers, date their start back to 1730, where the original store (pictured above) still stands on Jermyn Street.  It doesn't get much more historical when it comes to brands. They've been scenting the Royal Family since the beginning, and have two Royal Warrants today (which means they still provide services to the Royal Family). While the shop itself is the most incredible experience and truly feels like a step back in time, it's the sensual experience with their fragrances that will transport you to another place. In the video you'll see we take a step back with the company and look at their ledgers, which showcase fragrance orders for every King, Queen, Princess and so forth and so on... I couldn't believe the treasure trove of information they were sharing!

4. Christy's Hats

Well, Christy's hats is a little newer than Floris. But we're only talking less than 50 years here, folks. The esteemed creator of society's most celebrated hats was founded in 1773. In the 1850s, Prince Albert began wearing Christy's top hats, and since that day, the Royals have continued to use Christy's as a master creator of hats. You may have also seen The Godfather wearing the now famous Christy's Homburg Hat. And, the friendly Metropolitan Police also sport a Christy's hat as they make their way around London on a daily basis. Things you learn, eh? And yes, the lead picture above is me having a go at a classic Christy's piece. Think I need to go back and get my hands on one or two for my wardrobe. An absolute classic! 

5. The luxury library (complete with cocktails) at Assouline 

Here's my top secret St James's hangout: Assouline. This is truly a hidden treasure and unless you know to look for it, you could walk right past it - which would be a crying shame! Assouline is of course the famed book publisher responsible for some of the world's most beautiful creations. To get lost in this beauty would be a truly terrific thing. Whether popping in for coffee with friends or cocktails at the bar, I would advise you to enjoy a bit of a break from shopping and then select a beautiful book from the library and settle in for a rummage and a purchase - as I've never been able to leave a book behind once cracked here in the soft leather chairs at Assouline. 

6. Cheese, cheese and more cheese at Paxton & Whitfield

If you don't like cheese... wait, you don't like cheese? You are reading the wrong blog. Leave NOW! Ok, kidding, kidding, I know cheese isn't everyone's thing, but I have a serious passion for it. Call me crazy but I'll take a room full of stinky cheese any day. Enter Paxton & Whitfield - the stinkiest cheese shop I've ever encountered in my life and the next best thing to heaven. This is another shop steeped in history (see a trend forming here?) and again, another shop that is frequented by the Royal Family. In fact, Paxton & Whitfield have been Britain's leading cheesemongers for over 200 years and have two Royal Warrants today for continued services to the Royal Family. With over 150 varieties of cheese in store, this is a sensory experience not to be missed. There's even a cheese wedding cake. Need I say more? 

This may be my first feature on St James's on FFG, but it is most certainly not the last. I have been inspired and I feel there is much more to uncover in this area of the world. Of course, we're only scratching the surface here. There's much more to discover over with the video we created! Take a look! 

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5 essential lessons for a creative mind

Trying to be a creative person, on a daily basis, requires a very unique skill set and one that is constantly in need of updating. I discovered this the hard way and will easily admit that I've had more than a few creative meltdowns over the years. Don't laugh. I know it may sound pathetic. How can someone be breaking down over the idea of being paid to travel the world and write about fabulous places, food and fashion? Right? I have such a tough life. But it isn't one that comes without its own set of challenges and they go a little something like this...both challenge and solution offered:

1. Being original.

This is an hourly struggle as an online entity. You are given upwards of seven social channels that require constant content and original thought. Here's what you need to remember - don't look sideways. Every thought you have is original. That's just the way the world works. Sure, it's influenced by everything you see around you, but it's your thought at that moment. No one else is having it right then, just you. Put it out there and let the chips fall where they may. 

If you are looking forward in your own creative adventure, you are being original and that's that. Common sense, right? Well, easier said than done. As bloggers I believe we are constantly looking sideways by default, as we are constantly pitted against our peers for jobs and unique work opportunities. It's hard to stay focused, but the greatest advice I was ever given was to concentrate on flexing my own creative muscles on a daily basis and just throwing content out there that I was proud of  - that's the only requirement for creation... be proud of what YOU have created.

2. Keep going, no matter what.

This leads me to the most important lesson in accessing any creative side- it's important to keep creating. Even if you feel what you're creating is complete crud, do it. Not everything needs to go out into the general public, but I do believe everything that pops into your head, from a healthy creative place, should be put out into your own physical world, should there be the time to do it. Weeding the good from the bad is just part of the process, but constant creation is essential.

3. Recognize that we're all going to have creative ruts and forgive yourself for those moments immediately.

I firmly believe a creative rut is, in itself, a creative process. When you are forced to be creative daily, you can sometimes feel as if the well has run completely dry. For me, this is a weekly occurrence. And here's how to deal with it. Recognize it. Hell, welcome it. Think of it as a cleanse for your creative soul. Your mind is telling you it's time to shake things up a bit. After you've said all these somewhat ridiculous and comforting things, grab your bag and get out of the house. Go out and let your eyes wander. It's a great big world and no matter where you live, I guarantee you there's a place or side of town you haven't seen. Go there, grab a coffee and a book and watch the world go by. If you are open to inspiration, it will always, ALWAYS, find you. And it has a way of doing so just when you need it the most.

4. BE OPEN.

Of course to be someone who can crawl out of a creative rut (let's keep calling it a creative cleanse, shall we?) you have to be someone who is open to whatever comes your way. Elizabeth Gilbert speaks about this a lot in her book Big Magic, which you absolutely must read if you've gotten this far on a topic of creative living. She talks about the idea of letting yourself be completely open to creativity and what the universe will provide. It's all about knowing yourself and being able to weed through all the creative concepts that come your way. Some you grab hold of and try to bring forth into the universe, others you let go of and give them the opportunity to find another creative soul more suited for the project. However, if you are rigid in your approach to creativity, your creative soul will in fact starve. There's just no way to sugar coat that one, I'm afraid. You have to be ready and willing. If you're "open" to that, the world is your oyster

5. Answer only to yourself.

Of course along the way there will be plenty of critics that pop up to tell you just what they think of your creativity. In this day and age, with ridiculous and jealous trolls lurking about on the internet, nine times out of ten the critics will blow you apart. They'll hate everything you do. They'll hate everything you create. They'll be super "open" about supplying their opinion. And this is the only time you'll hear me say that this is a time in your life where you need to learn to shut it down... compartmentalize and rationalize the crazy general public. The only thing that matters here, and I'm about to sound like a parent, is that you are proud of what you have created. This is the absolute truth. Creative critics are often just critiquing themselves when they share such hateful comments. If all else fails, just remind yourself that if you're attracting such attention, you've more or less been recognized as a creative source worth mentioning at all - and that's a big deal all in itself. 

Go forth and let your creative freak flags fly proudly.... so says FFG.

Need more inspiration? Soar over to Mademoiselle Robot to check out her creative advice... 

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